beating around the bush
Ever wondered why we play the cat and mouse games? You know when you know something is wrong in a relationship, you know it and yet you wait for the person at fault – your partner in this case – to bring it up. I’ve tried rationalizing it to myself so many times – “maybe it isnt what you think it is!”, “give her a chance to come out clean”, “she’s surely struggling with herself as to how to confess” and a gazillion more. Well, here I am standing at the brink of another such journey, wondering if its really worth the pain of the wait.
Welcome to my life. Its nothing extraordinary. Its just me n my girlfriend K, my best friends G & C and some other ppl that keep making their detours through my life. So what is this blog going to be about? Well honestly, my ravings and rantings about my life – which for the present is pretty sucky. Don’t expect any pearls of wisdom from me and dont expect this to be a sob diary type blog.. but you SHOULD expect this to be my vent for my frustrations!
oh and also, this is my place to open up the side of me, the part of me that no one in my real life knows. So you, my dear cyber friend, are privy to the thoughts and secrets that even my girlfriend and bestfriends dont know.
So what exactly was i talking about with the whole cat and mouse game? Well for a little background for you to understand that better – me and K have been together for some 4 years and plus now. We’ve been through our share of tough times in the past – including infidelity on her part – and as cheesy as it may sound, have come out stronger every time. And as of now, things aren’t exactly hunky dory. Inspite of living-in together, we really are on a break right now. Trying to figure out if we really want to be together (all her part actually…).
So now that you know that, back to our little animal game. Well part (major) of the reason why we are on a break is her infidelity issues. Though she wont admit to it to me, I know there are other guys in her life (well atleast know about two – lets call them FH1 and FH2) who arent exactly what you could typically fit under the friend label. So i’m sure that sets up the scene for you to understand my question about the game. Well, i cant seem to answer this for myself, so i will ask YOU! Why is it that even though i know all of the crap (or atleast enough to know that its for real and not just my imagination) first hand, I still don’t want to bring it up with her yet. Why is it that I am waiting for her to bring this up with me rather than me facing her with it?
And yes I am a little scared of losing her. And quiet honestly, i think a major part of that has to do with the fact that I am now in a new land far far away from my friends – with only a couple of scumbag idiots that i know over here. And no matter how bad a girlfriend K has been or IS, she still is one of my best friends. And I know that if the reason for our split were to be FH1 or any other guy for that matter, i couldnt stand her. And call me selfish or what you want, but i do NOT want to lose the only friend that i have in this god-damned place!
Oh well, i guess the question really isnt WHY i’m not able to do it, but more like WHAT (AND HOW) SHOULD I DO!?? I know what i would tell any friend who was in my position and I know what my friends are telling me, but I want to know what do you think!?
January 15, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Be honest – if you did ask her, would you believe her answer anyway?
The hardest thing I ever had to accept was that my current beau who has A LOT of female friends and is one VERY horny guy, was telling me the truth when he insisted that I was ‘the only’ for him when it came to sex. My own insecurities and subsequent accusations and distrust nearly cost me a special friend and lover.
Your gf will not bring up the subject because she probably doesn’t think there is a problem because you haven’t told her how you feel.
If she has other male friends that’s her prerogative and you will just have to trust her, but if you have absolute proof that she is having sex with other guys (and isn’t that what you really want to know) then you will either have to ask her outright if she is (possibly ruining your relationship) and watch her reaction closely or ruin your relationship anyway because you don’t trust her.(And why would you if she has been unfaithful to you before).
Do I really believe my beau? No, I don’t, but until I catch him out personally, I will have to give him the benefit of the doubt. My relationship is too special to throw away just because I have insecurities. I decided to address these instead of worrying about what he is doing when he is not with me. Who knows, I may become a better person, meet a better partner, have a better relationship and enjoy a better future. And so might you!
January 15, 2008 at 7:14 pm
hey michelle… thanx for the advice.
quiet honestly, i know that if she did tell me that there was nothing, i would choose to believe her. i know i will stil not be free of doubts but i will get over it in some time. its just what ur guy did for you that i want from her – to know that i’m ‘the only’ – physically AND emotionally.
January 21, 2008 at 11:07 pm
I can see from your posts that you have broken up now. But, I could (and would had I read this sooner) that’s what needed to be done. I’ve been “K” in a relationship before – and I can tell you that no matter how much she loves you, or thinks she loves you, she doesn’t respect you. I’m sorry to say that so outright, but if she respected you, she would be forthcoming with her interests in other men. And, if she wanted to work it out – to truly work it out – she would be honest with you, and stop communication with the other guys.