Just Wondering

Have you ever had one of those days when you woke up thinking some random arbitrary thought that you have absolutely no idea how it got into your head? Well today was one of those days for me… ‘what would a live-in relationship be like?’. Well to that I’m sure you’re gonna throw up a ‘but you are/were in one dumb$*#@’

But that is my point precisely. I am talking about actually being in a relationship when you are living in together. Not going through the worst time of your life together and then breaking up just because somebody wanted some fun out of the relationship or whatever the reason. I mean how does it work? Do you wake up on most days smiling to yourself about how you are spending your days and your nights with the one person you love? Do you go about your day normally everyday and wish this would never end - be it the fights or the making up or just the love around you? WHAT is it like?

When I first realised that K and me were gonna be living together, there was no stopping my excitement from shooting through the roof. Hell we had only imagined in our love drowned conversations how awesomely insane it would be to be able to do that. To live together and that too in a country where our folks wouldnt be around to be nosy about it and we could spend our time what-the-fuck-ever we wished. About how there would be nothing better!

Then as the day grew nearer for the dream to come true, I grew more and more weary of the situation. I knew something was amiss, something was wrong and that it wouldn’t be like our dreams. But in my optimistic times, I would just brush it off as anxiety or something overplaying the tiny issues we had. Anyhow, the day did come when I arrived at K’s door expecting a pleasant welcome and nothing more (didnt want to get my hopes up too high). But nothing of that sort ever happened. No welcome hug, no smile, no ‘wow you’re here’, nothing. And thats how the dream started transpiring into the nightmare that unfolded itself recently. Ah well….

Now you see my point? Inspite of living together for like some 3 months before it all ended, we never were really together even during that phase!!

So, I promise myself that I will definitely live in with my next girlfriend or the one after that or whoever, whenever before I decide to take the plunge of marriage.

~ by Zev Nyklus on March 17, 2008.