Going solo
Well quite a lot has been happening in my life in the past week and most of it is just another boo hoo sob story (nah not that bad). But then again, the outcome of that isn’t!
So anyways, I’ve been a little sick due to the spring coming in and I must admit I’m not the best company when I’m not feeling well. I’ve had a severe sore throat and also my asthma’s been acting up so I’ve been really cranky around the house. What that has done is given K and me another few days of fights over nothing really. It’s like the smallest of things that would otherwise go by un-challenged or for that matter never even have happened because I was in a better mood, have become reasons for our fights.
Like last night, it really snowballed into probably our biggest fight since we moved here and that too over nothing that should have been a fight. If I wasn’t feeling so miserable, I would’ve probably laughed out the whole issue right at the start and things wouldn’t have gotten so far. So what happened is…
For the past 2 days, I would wake up and before moving on with whatever else I needed to do, I would clean up the mess in the kitchen. The thing with me is, I can live with a messy (not dirty, but messy) bedroom and living room. But the kitchen - that I need it to be clean. So both of yesterday and the day before, I ended up cleaning the kitchen for like an hour or so in the morning. Then yesterday after our dinner, I realised that the kitchen had become messy again and I really got cranky over that (yeah I know it HAS to become so after we use stuff and before we clean it, but still)! And for some reason, in my sick-man-annoyed ramblings, it came out (probably) as something of a ‘you don’t help around’ or something. Now the thing is, I love cooking and specially for K. And even though she hates cooking - on a daily basis, she does help me quite some bit - even if its just chopping up stuff most of the times. And I really do appreciate that help. And I don’t have any complaints about me having to cook and blah blah blah. Though at times I have to even if I’m not really in the mood for it, that’s just 1 out of 15 times maybe. Most of the times, I really don’t mind or even love cooking for the two of us.
And then there’s the other side to it… the cleaning up! Now there are 2 things that come into play here:
a. I can’t stand the kitchen being even a tad bit dirty… which i guess is a little too much
b. It IS me who ends up using all of the vessels and most of the other stuff anyways.
So you see… I don’t think it’s that big of a deal if I have to clean up the stuff (as K hates doing it mostly) and she does do it once in a while.
Anyhow, so some part of that seemed to her like I was blaming her for not doing anything/enough. And of course there was the part where in the bedroom (where I was ranting), I again went on about how the ‘whole house is a mess and I can’t stand it’. Now the poor thing offered to help me out by cleaning up the mess in the bedroom atleast and it somehow came out to me (or atleast in my annoyed state, it sounded as) ‘but its because of you that there’s this particular mess’ (in reference to something I had promised to take care of earlier). So that is when it happened - when I snapped at her with incorrigible words (atleast in me head!) and some part of that apparently was the ‘you don’t help around’ bit!
I wouldn’t feel like an idiot for saying any of that if I truly did feel any of it, but the truth is that I really have nothing against our arrangement. I do the kitchen and more often than not, she takes the lead in cleaning up the rest of the house! Anyhow so that after we calmed down in the night and were about to sleep… it snow balled into a huge fight where she stormed out of the room and went downstairs to sleep. And by the time I decided to go down and talk to her about it, she was already on the phone and ranting to her best friend.
So now, she’s still sleeping and I’m wondering what I can do to cool her off :D.
God! I wish I get all fine by the end of the day… the lack of oxygen really makes me a nut.
….
Anyhow, there’s the part of the ‘But then again, the outcome of that isn’t’. Well, over my sick few days and the few small fights and last night’s mother fight, I did come to realise that I am finally moving on! Don’t ask me how it happened or how I know it, but I just do. It’s just the way I feel when we’re talking or fighting or just around each other or whatever. Though I know it would take me quite some bit of time to be completely over her, but I know the process has started for sure!! YIPPPEEEEE!
Even though I do realise that, I also know that that doesn’t change what she means to me. I mean yeah she’s no more my girl, yes I have no more rights over her life, but she still means a LOT to me as a friend - almost as much as she ever did. I would even say bestfriend if only for her reluctance. And trust me, my best friends are no less important to me than my girlfriend!
So anyways, here’s to me going solo in life (for now)! woo hooo…
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