Running Scared
At the end of the day I had expected to feel rejuvenated and fresh, but as it turns out, all I feel is weighed down! Something that had already been gnawing at me, got all the more compounded after a couple of conversations with C (and a few random conversations with various people). Over the past 2 years, I have somehow managed to remain upbeat about things despite nothing really working out for me the way I would’ve wanted them to. I would always convince myself that it was only a matter of time and that there really was no reason to get worked up over it. So yeah, I haven’t had ANY luck with women. But then I’d remind myself that I couldn’t possibly have anything working for me there, since I wasn’t even trying to do anything about it – I always had something more important to look forward to. And as far as my career is concerned, it hasn’t even started yet! Sure I’m managing to work freelance and pursue my passion of advertising; and yes it is paying me enough to keep myself going, but that doesn’t help any bit.
What really pulls me down at times is the realization that my life is NOWHERE near my ‘life plan’. I’m nearly 25 and I haven’t started my career yet, don’t have a girl who I’m atleast considering even taking seriously and the worst part is – I feel like the USA economy – nobody has a real idea of how to get it out of the dump and all that they can do is try some bailouts and keep their fingers crossed it works in the long run! I don’t think i’ve admitted this to myself ever before – let alone anyone else – i’m shit scared of how things are going to turn out. Most times I truly am able to stay positive about things and be optimistic, but then there are times like now when it just scares the living daylights out of me.
If I had to have things my way – or atleast as I had ‘realistically’ imagined things to be at this stage 4 years ago – I’d be atleast a year into my career, with a well charted plan of how to proceed with it. I’d also have a girlfriend with whom I could think of getting real… and i’d be investing in place of my own.
*raising a glass to toast* here’s hoping that the rest of the year turns my life on its head!
p.s. On cue, to prove my point, my net decides to quit on me just as I was ready to publish this!!
