Robin

I’ve been fighting this feeling for so long now. Not just because I don’t want to get caught up in it, but also because some part of me tells me I’m not supposed to feel it just by virtue of being a guy! Guys are just not supposed to give a crap about emotions and feelings of loneliness right!?

I was talking to G earlier today and just sort of filling her in on what my life’s been about these past couple of weeks (she’s been pretty busy trying to live her newly married life). The summary of my current state goes that I’m content with the way things are going right now. That sure there’s nothing really great going on in my life – no job, no love, nothing substantial at all; but still life is.. calm! I kid myself not, that is the truth. And even though I’m quite satisfied with the way that things are turning out, every now and then, I’m still scared of the loneliness.

I’ve somehow found solace in my friends over the past few years – there’s always been everyone and then of course G, C and K. I’ve always told myself that I’ll find someone when I’m meant to… that as much as I might yearn it, I’m happy being single cos that just means i have so much more time for me, for my best friends and also i don’t have to live my life for someone else. Hell, would I be planning a trip to Thailand with my friends along with another road trip within the next few months? Probably not! But where’s my point in all of this again?

These past few days have been wave after wave of realization that I’m really single and at times lonely – a lot of times I brave those waves and come out on top, not really giving it a second thought. Then again, there are those waves that drag me down deep and I’m unable to break out for a breath.

It doesn’t help that for the past few days I’ve been watching (one of my favorite shows) How I Met Your Mother – and it really makes me yearn all the more. I can’t go on.. I really am ready to find my own Robin!